So about six months ago I posted about being asked to help my father access his wife's (my stepmother's) retirement account, to validate correct contact info, and withdraw an amount that would satisfy her RMD for the year, as she's 73. He's none too good with computers, at age 84, and my stepmother is in the early states of a cognitive illness.
The other party to all this is my half-sister who's about 19 years younger than me. Since my step-mother is her biological mother, I explained I"d ONLY help with the account if my sister agreed and understood exactly what/why was going on. My father has complete POA over his wife's finances.
Now. On multiple occasions my father has said things like, "well, we're not looking to spend this -- everything will be split between the two of you (half-sister and me) anyway. That's in both of our wills." I was a little surprised by this, given they 100% financially support my half-sister, who is a stay-at-home mom with a husband. Indeed, they've given her an 'allowance' her entire life. Not getting on a high-horse, but my wife and I have made our own way in life, would never dream of asking or being supported (short of a true medical emergency or something). The complete one-sided nature of their....munificence...has always been a never-discussed sore point, especially when it extended to new cars for her, a down payment for their house, etc.
In terms of their estate, I figured it was their money and anything left would go to my half-ssiter and her children. And, while sorting out the TSP (IRA), I'm right -- my father is the first beneficiary, and the daughter is the second. Fair enough.
Recently my father started going on again about the estate going to both of us equally, when they pass. I corrected him, gently, and said that might be in the will, but the bulk of their money is in her retirement account and regardless of what their will may or may not say, he and his daughter are the beneficiaries. He didn't believe me, but finally conceded that might have been the way his wife set things when she first joined the Federal Govt, decades ago....But even if he wants to change things he can't do it without me (because of access issues) and I'm not sure that IS what my step-mother would want, were they so inclined to change things, you know? It's a mess.
Curious what some of your thoughts are -- push to align the retirement account with their wills? Discuss with my sister? My inclination is just do nothing, and que sera sera. It's a bit painful since it's a very large amount of money, and I'd think between pensions, SS, and RMD's, even if long-term memory care is needed there should still be a substantial balance.
The other party to all this is my half-sister who's about 19 years younger than me. Since my step-mother is her biological mother, I explained I"d ONLY help with the account if my sister agreed and understood exactly what/why was going on. My father has complete POA over his wife's finances.
Now. On multiple occasions my father has said things like, "well, we're not looking to spend this -- everything will be split between the two of you (half-sister and me) anyway. That's in both of our wills." I was a little surprised by this, given they 100% financially support my half-sister, who is a stay-at-home mom with a husband. Indeed, they've given her an 'allowance' her entire life. Not getting on a high-horse, but my wife and I have made our own way in life, would never dream of asking or being supported (short of a true medical emergency or something). The complete one-sided nature of their....munificence...has always been a never-discussed sore point, especially when it extended to new cars for her, a down payment for their house, etc.
In terms of their estate, I figured it was their money and anything left would go to my half-ssiter and her children. And, while sorting out the TSP (IRA), I'm right -- my father is the first beneficiary, and the daughter is the second. Fair enough.
Recently my father started going on again about the estate going to both of us equally, when they pass. I corrected him, gently, and said that might be in the will, but the bulk of their money is in her retirement account and regardless of what their will may or may not say, he and his daughter are the beneficiaries. He didn't believe me, but finally conceded that might have been the way his wife set things when she first joined the Federal Govt, decades ago....But even if he wants to change things he can't do it without me (because of access issues) and I'm not sure that IS what my step-mother would want, were they so inclined to change things, you know? It's a mess.
Curious what some of your thoughts are -- push to align the retirement account with their wills? Discuss with my sister? My inclination is just do nothing, and que sera sera. It's a bit painful since it's a very large amount of money, and I'd think between pensions, SS, and RMD's, even if long-term memory care is needed there should still be a substantial balance.
Statistics: Posted by nick evets — Sat Sep 14, 2024 12:15 pm — Replies 6 — Views 403